ENTITLED by Uko Edet

Growing up as kids in our little one room apartment as at then, I remember my mom had three of us then the last two siblings never arrived yet, we felt entitled to so many things. Things like whenever we eat it is my eldest brother who will eat the head of the fish, the last person to leave the meal washes the plate, my immediate brother was in charge of sweeping, while my eldest was in charge of fetching water.

We felt entitled to so many common facts like the choice of sleeping position; we already knew who must sleep where, and what toys in the house we should never touch because another sibling was interested in it. So somehow we had an unspoken order of events and chain of command. The sad thing usually is that sometimes my mom will put an arrow through our pack by changing chores; this was always greeted with mumbles.

This sense of entitlement any people have taken into the larger society, in offices, in churches, in social gatherings. Some people feel entitled to so many things by virtue of position or office, they want a preserve of things like seats at occasions they do not go early to anyways, they want to be introduced a certain way or else they will not honour it: I remember once I addressed a letter to someone and he turned it down simply because I did not include all his titles in the salutation. Some persons will not stoop to add a helping hand when the work goes tough and there should be hands to work on the project, instead they issue orders and want them obeyed.

But the one that gets to me most painfully is the entitled feeling of ingratitude, someone does something for you and simply by virtue of your position you do not say thank you. Or if it is in your power compensate effort, even if it is a paid job, once in a while we should thank people for a job well done. Gratitude is the only reason that person will want to do more next time, well that is lacking these days so people will give you half-baked service.

Other times we take it for granted that someone who constantly volunteers and is somewhat subservient and meek to do your bidding will always do as you say. Even in the military rules of engagement allows soldiers to obey orders, but once in a while soldiers who have trained to put their lives down will disobey due to personal and sometimes constituted reasons. So it is not a given that everyone will serve you at every time.

The customer is always right is a big lie told to make people sacrifice their will to please ardent stiff necks. If I give a suggestion in a project it makes me feel like I am a part of what you are doing and will commit to it, but if you will not take advise or let me say listen to alternatives you are so far from reality. Please truth is not insult. Learn how to handle the truth.

If your only relationship with your followers starts and ends on official matters, you are a poor leader. You should be interested in their personal lives and let them be interested in yours. One of my subordinates noted when I was sick without me saying because according to her the way I spoke that day, I was lacking my usual bravado. And she followed immediately by saying, “I know you very well.” People will not always like you, but you can earn their respect by dropping the entitled act.

Finally, provide logistic support for every job done, even if it is in voluntary humanitarian services one need tools to work, meals, transports, etc. so do not feel like people will answer to you without cost. Check leaders that are successful and loved are the giving type. Also to the followers do not let your leader do all the work simply because he is listed as the head, it will backfire on you someday; you will gather no experience.

By the way fish is fish; forget which part you are eating per time.

By Uko Edet