3 Things you never knew about "Communication" in Relationships

Communication is powerful and is so essential.

Right from the very first few seconds of a baby’s entrance into this world, there must be communication or the baby will be given some baby smacks to give out a sound!

As a matter of fact, communication, in an explainable way begins right from the embryonic stage of the baby in its mother’s womb.

When communication in a relationship or marriage nosedives, the consequences show up immediately.

In every relationship and marriage, there are levels of communication that must be explored to create a balance.

1. Communication with your maker

No matter how good you are with communication or how adept you are in relating with others, if you have not first communicated with your maker, all the efforts will be futile.

You see, you need to understand this, as it is fundamental. Your success in relationship or marriage is predicated on your relationship with God as a foundation.

Do you know God? If you don’t know God first, you won’t be able to know that special lover.

For you to understand what love is and how to love appropriately, you have to know God first because God is love!

When you say something like, “I don’t want to be spiritual,” you are not being true to yourself, because you are essentially a spirit! You are a spirit who thinks with a soul and lives in a body!

The body is not the real you! That is why the body is here on earth and decays after the man dies. When a man dies, the real him escapes from the body and reports to God!

Marriage itself is spiritual, from the very day that God instituted it. To succeed therefore in such, you need to first retrace your steps and establish a deliberate relationship with God.

This is why we often say that it is risky to marry a man or woman that doesn’t know God! Do you know that knowing God, reading His word regularly will help you from falling into hands of a wrong spouse?

You see that in the book of Proverbs where it says specifically that He will deliver you form the evil man and from the strange woman!

To deliver thee from the way of the EVIL MAN, from the man that speaketh froward things; (Proverbs 2:12 KJV)

To deliver thee from the STRANGE WOMAN, even from the stranger which flattereth with her words; (Proverbs 2:16 KJV)

2. Communication with yourself

The next stage is communication with yourself.
Who are you? This answers the question of identity.
Why are you here? This answers the question of purpose.

This stage is important because if you don’t answer these questions before venturing into a relationship or marriage, you will end up frustrating him or her.

The questions of identity and purpose, if left unanswered would weary you and bring confusion as you begin to deal with another person.

True love with yourself is a personal discovery of who you are and why you are here. If you don’t have true love for yourself, you cannot love another person.

A person for example, who has answered the questions of identity and purpose, would not sleep around irresponsibly. The reality of who he or she is in God and the weight of his assignment would not allow him or her to misbehave.

The glory of his assignment would debar him from traveling down the road of compromise.

When you know who you are, you will not try to get affirmations from the opposite sex who is looking for some lustful flings.

When you know God’s plan for your life, the awesomeness of your future will prevent you from opening your legs to everybody that knocks!

When a sense of purpose drives you, the fear of God will keep you from deceiving that guy or girl because of some paltry sums of money.

When you know who you are, you won’t end up with a guy or girl in bed who you just met few hours ago.

I challenge you this morning to seek the face of God in fasting and prayer to answer these questions. Who are you? Why are you here? Where is your location? There is a geographical milieu where you will thrive and flourish. Where is that place?

You are a seed of God and every seed don’t grow everywhere. Before you travel or relocate to that country, have you been led by God? These are simple question that will solve complex equations in your lives!

May God grant more understanding! Wherever you are now, you can begin by talking to God and asking him these questions!

3. Communication with each other

Sister Sube and Brother Zerubbabel have been in courtship for a while. They loved themselves or so they say. After about three months into the relationship, Brother Zeru suddenly developed cold feet and would hardly call.

Suddenly he was busy, he was tired and so on.  Sister Sube started calling. Before long, it was sister Sube wooing Brother Zeru, and it ought not to be so. What suddenly happened?

Well, it is so simple, Brother Zeru is no longer interested and he wants to nicely frustrate Sister Sube out of the relationship.

When I was in courtship with my wife in the nineties, there were no phones, except for those Nitel Boxes. But you know, during the holidays, when we were off campus, I still found a way to stay in touch by writing letters and poems to send to her. (Oh Jesus, I could write love poems!)

You see, I don’t know about you, but when you in love, you will want to stay in touch as much as possible.

Pastor, I am in a in relationship, but he has not called me in three months. Well, it is true you are in a relationship, maybe with God, not that person that has not called in three months!

How can he or she tell you he loves you and yet would not call you for a month because he is outside the country?

Something is wrong somewhere.

Constant Communication is a proof while lack of communication is a sign.

How do I mean?
Constant communication is a proof that you are both in love.

Lack of communication is a sign that something is wrong somewhere.

Now the twist to this is that there could be constant communication and yet no love! A guy whose sole aim is to get you laid and to compromise your virtue can actually keep up a constant communication to achieve his aim. In fact, he can over-communicate!

He can strategise for months telling you sweet nonsense and beautiful rants, and yet never loves you! How do you know such people?

The scripture says by their fruits, you will know them.

Knowing such people is very simple. After a while of being so nice and gentle, he suddenly asks you for Jeru trIp. If you start quoting scriptures or saying you are a child of God, he will pressurize. If he has the opportunity, he will try to touch you, kiss you or any other thing to get you trapped.

If you still refuse him and he discovers that he would never get Jeru trIp, he will move on and leave you alone.

He was never in love; he was in lust! Let such person go, his name is Abednego!

For married couples, do all you can to make sure you are communicating. When you stop communicating, you open up each other to listen to the devil via thoughts.

The devil knows how to explore such opening by bringing assumptions that would further intensify the already brewing issue.

Keep talking even when you don’t feel like.

Don’t let it get to a point you are not going to serve him dinner.

Don’t let it get to a point you refuse to say Good Morning to her.

Don’t allow anything to stop your morning devotions even when you are angry.

Papa Kenneth Hagin of blessed memory would always say for everyday of as a couple, his wife would always sleep in his arms! That is powerful and that is something to learn from.

Grow up! Any little issue, you will hiss, carry your pillow and relocate to sitting room for the night. Was it the pillow you married?

Don’t ever leave your spouse alone on the bed for any reason! Would you want to leave that space for any person in reality? Then don’t teach him or her to survive without you!

It is unwise to drive out angrily out of your matrimonial home because of some little issue.

It is not good to refuse to cook food because you are moody, knowing that he doesn’t eat out.

It is unfair to punish her by coming back late in the night because he hung the phone on you earlier in the day.

Ladies, stop giving the silent treatment to your husband. There is nothing that can frustrate a man like that. You think you are dealing with him, but you are actually weakening your marriage.

Dear husbands, don’t drive out angrily because she was slow in dressing up knowing that you have only one car and she would have to ride ‘okada’ to the junction!


CREDIT: KHC